I was forced to seek a new method of recruitment on the first of December this year. My business, the business of rewarding good children with presents was hit by the greatest crisis since the Grinch stole Christmas that terrible year. This year I am facing the repercussions of the elf on a shelf craze. I have lost over half of my work force in one hit.
Much to my disappointment some of my best workers happily sold their services to parents all over the world for the entire Christmas season, and I had been left pretty much elfless and therefore helpless. Although it was mainly the naughty elves who jumped on the bandwagon it was still a huge problem. You have possibly seen evidence of how much mischief some of those guys are capable of in one night. When focussed on a task, well tied to their workstation maybe that could be the reason they looked for alternative employment, long story short they were insanely productive.
At times of struggle in the past I have resorted to hiring leprechauns to fill in the gaps, but between us many of them tend to drink a little too much to safely operate machinery. This year I was looking at a workforce consisting of 40% Leprechauns, and I am ashamed to admit this 10% out of work Jockeys. Please let me explain. They were the only people that I could find who fit in the workstation. Unfortunately, their tempers were generally terrible, and they were continuously assaulting the reindeer, so I knew I needed to try something very different and quickly.
Between trying to manage the naughty list and visiting 5000 garden centers. I’m not sure why but I just love a good garden centre and luckily there are always huge queues of children there for me to meet. My busy schedule at this time of year meant finding the time to replace my missing staff seemed impossible. The anxiety was causing me to gain weight rapidly, and my blood pressure was skyrocketing giving me red cheeks which looked less jolly and more satanic by the day.
Luckily Rudolph (as always) was there with the guidance I needed. While googling himself like the unashamed narcissist he is he stumbled across an article he thought was about him. It was not, but by some Christmas miracle it turned out it was the help I needed. JobsTheWord merrily gave me a demo of their sourcing technology tools, and I could not believe how straightforward it was. I was able to use their specially designed software and artificial intelligence to search for the very specific skillset I needed. I was pleasantly surprised by how many elves were located all over the world. The analytics tool revealed that the most qualified elves were hiding away, oddly enough, on Easter Island. After a very quick recruitment campaign, using Wammee to approach these elves directly they were on board. The remaining even offered to relocate from Lapland to Easter Island.
Now with six days to go, it has become apparent that elves work even faster without partially frozen fingers, so with a stronger and more productive workforce than I have ever had before and we are now ahead of schedule. As a way of thanking them for saving this Christmas, I have allowed JobsTheWord to share this testimonial and have allocated them a permanent place on the good list.
Merry Christmas Boys and Girls.